I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
