why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my shit smells like andre
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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