we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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