Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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