she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
