life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
