he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
