he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's shark week go big or go home
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
