This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
