I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
