I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
