smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
