one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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