I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
