You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
