He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
