Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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