i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
