You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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