Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
