piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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