I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
