do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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