You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
