i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
