So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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