I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
