His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
