If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
