We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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