Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
