i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
