he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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