you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
