there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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