A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
