new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
