I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
