His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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