My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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