He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
