Apparently you make a good broom.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i think i just lost a toe
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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