Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
