i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
