And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
