New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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