if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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