Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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