Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
