what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
