Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
